


What World is Seen Through Your Eyes?

by ArcherUmi



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Cunnilingus, F/F, Maybe a bit milder than the tags make it seem but basically it's not a happy story, Minor Religious Discusion, Minor Suicidal Thoughts, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23835493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcherUmi/pseuds/ArcherUmi
Summary: Kyouko is the only reason Sayaka keeps on going.
Relationships: Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyouko
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	What World is Seen Through Your Eyes?

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for pretty much the entire series, certainly everything up to about episode 8 or 9.

She's alone today, and that means she doesn't even need to try to pretend that she's ok or in control. She doesn't need to hide the wicked grin on her face or the glint in her eyes or feel ashamed of it. She doesn't have to pretend to still be human.

The barrier is a dark jungle, maze-like with trees and vines, and the witch's spider-like familiars scurry about and lunge at her. Sayaka swings her blade and slices them to pieces. She ignores the blood that splashes on her sword and her clothes as she sprints along the path, cutting brush out of her way as she goes. In this moment, there is warmth – the hot rage that spurs her forward and is sated a little more with each of the witch's minions she slaughters – and color – the blood that flashes across her field of vision – where her world is usually cold and gray.

Another slash and she breaks through into a broad clearing, an arched roof of thick vegetation still blotting out the light. A giant cocoon is suspended in the middle and Sayaka strides ahead, beating away more familiars as she reaches it and slashes at it in a frenzy. The witch itself tumbles out, writhing and shrieking, its body long and segmented like a centipede, with countless legs.

She hacks off a few legs and drives her sword into one of those segments. Like with the familiars, the blood that spills out and spatters on her clothes and skin is pale blue. It complements her aqua hair and deep blue-accented clothes well on her face. In this moment, nothing hurts, not even the razor-sharp points of the witch's legs when they flail and pierce her skin as she disassembles it. It doesn't take her long to cut it to pieces, and the barrier shimmers and dissipates.

It's over now. Sayaka is left standing in a park, in her ordinary clothes, panting to catch her breath in the night air. She's drenched in sweat and blood and she feels sick as the adrenaline high subsides. After wiping her brow she sees the pale blue stain on her already dirtied cream sleeve, and she wants to throw up. She leans down and picks up the grief seed left behind and slips it into her pocket. If she passes anyone as she walks, or they react to her dirty clothes and blood-stained face, she doesn't notice them.

As she walks she thinks about the girl she just killed. Sayaka imagines a time before she lost herself. Imagines her feeling loved. She sees her as a young child celebrating her birthday with her parents. Next she's playing with a sibling by the bank of the river, then she's waiting behind a shoe cabinet at school, heart pounding in her chest, for her crush to read the letter she left them. It might be easier to imagine someone who never felt loved in her life instead of one who had love ripped away from her before she was thrust into the darkness, but Sayaka doesn't want this to feel easy.

She realizes she's still holding something as starts across the bridge, and looks down at the egg-shaped gem in her hand. It's clouded and as dark as the ocean at night, only a tiny glimmer of light visible in it now. It would take almost nothing for it to go completely dark and for her to end up just like that girl. She wants to scream and toss it away or smash it on the pavement and feel her body go numb. She doesn't, and it shimmers and turns into a silver ring on her middle finger.

Sayaka stops in the middle of the bridge and looks out over the river. She fishes the grief seed of her pocket and winds up her arm, tossing it as far as she can. It flies too far for her to hear or see it hit the water from here.

It's a long walk back 'home'. She hasn't been back to the home she lived in as a human for weeks now, but this church, stonework crumbling and windows shattered, is a home of sorts. If only because Kyoko is there.

She makes her away across the grounds and enters the building, climbing the steps to the altar. Kyoko is sitting there and cranes her head to look at her.

"Hey."

"...I'm home", Sayaka replies. Kyoko stands up to hug her, and they both sit down at the low table. She looks at the spread of food Kyoko has laid out. It's packages of expired convenience store sandwiches with grime on the plastic and a few half-empty cardboard pouches of french fries; it's not hard to tell all of it was scrounged out of the garbage.

Sayaka goes to open an egg salad sandwich but stops herself as Kyoko clasps her hands in prayer and whispers to herself. She can barely make out the words.

"Bless, O Father, Thy gifts to our use and us to Thy service; for Christ’s sake. Amen". It's reverent and old fashioned; there's often something old fashioned about how Kyoko talks but this is different. When she prays, she sounds like a priest or an old lady, not a sukeban.

"...Thanks for the meal."

Sayaka doesn't know how Kyoko can go on believing in god as a magical girl. Truthfully she had never thought much about religion or whether god exists before she had made a contract, but she knows now that a benevolent god, like the ones she would offer prayers to at the shrine on New Year's Day, or the god Kyoko prays to, don't exist. She also knows that cruel god that rules their lives, treating them like playthings and forcing them to kill each other, though, is very real. She's looked him in the face.

 _"God brought you back to me"_ , Kyoko said when she asked her that question a few days ago, but she knows she hasn't been brought back, and it isn't god keeping her 'alive', it's Kyoko. They eat quietly after Kyoko finishes saying grace. The food is cold and soggy.

Kyoko grins at her and leans over the table, pushing sandwich packaging out of the way so she can clamber up and kneel on it. She plants a kiss on her lips and lingers for a while before she pulls away. Sayaka's heart skips a beat, and she feels hot breath on her ear as Kyoko leans closer. "I'm still hungry, Sayaka."

She plays dumb. "You should have brought more home."

"I want to eat your pussy". Kyoko is always blunt and doesn't waste time telling her what she wants. It isn't romantic, and Sayaka wishes she had more of a sense for that, but she can't deny it turns her on.

"...Tell me you love me."

Kyoko blushes. "Of course I love you, Sayaka. Geeze...". She comes closer again for another kiss, and this time Kyoko goes deeper, pushing her tongue thirstily into her mouth. She wonders if Kyoko can taste the dried blood caked on her face and her stomach turns again, but she ignores the feeling and tries to lose herself in Kyoko's mouth.

Finally their lips separate again. She sticks her tongue out as Kyoko pulls away, not wanting to let the warmth go, a trail of saliva stretching between their faces before it snaps and drips on the table.

Kyoko stands up and gives her a show, a cocky smile on her face as she slowly unzips her jacket. She tosses it off, and her tiny, ripped up jean shorts are next, then her black panties and sports bra, all she wears under her jacket, until she's standing wearing nothing but that grin. In this moment there's warmth and color again, the heat between her legs and in her chest and Kyoko's red hair, on her head and in her lap.

Sayaka sits up on the table and spreads her legs, and Kyoko kneels in front of her, yanks her panties down around her ankles, and flips up her skirt. She's already getting wet – Kyoko's performance having had the desired effect – and Kyoko sticks out her tongue and tastes her. Red eyes dart up and glance at her as Kyoko buries her face in her lap, her tongue greedily lapping at her slit and drinking her up.

She lets out a long sigh and moans Kyoko's name. In this moment, she forgets everything but how Kyoko's mouth feels on her. The only reason she keeps on with this pale shadow of a life is for this, to feel the electric pulses that flash up her spine and run through her mind each time the tip of her lover's tongue traces up her folds and flicks against her clit. Even the warm, fuzzy sensation in her chest like faintly crackling static when she hears the words 'I love you' comes nowhere near it.  
______________________________

Sayaka's come is dribbling down Kyoko's chin as she sloppily eats her out. Each night, Sayaka comes to her starved for this, and she can tell; just a little bit of teasing and her pussy is soaked. She pushes up Sayaka's blouse and undershirt, and she helps her by pulling them off entirely and tossing them aside, allowing her to proceed to slipping Sayaka's breasts out of her bra, reaching up and cupping them in her hands. Her nipples are already aroused too, hard enough to hurt someone with.

Sayaka is totally dependent on her, Kyoko thinks. As long as she tells her she loves her and makes her come, gives her that little bit of relief, she could probably fuck Sayaka as hard as she wants or do anything she desires to her body, and she would still keep crawling back for more.

She feels guilty and sick for those thoughts. If somehow they had hypothetically wound up like this when they first met, or if she had another partner in the past, she wouldn't have hesitated to shove Sayaka's or their face in her pussy and not let them go until she came from their tongue, but now it's hard to even imagine, and to imagine actually taking advantage of Sayaka makes her hurt inside.

There's nothing she wanted less than to be dependent on another person, but she depends on Sayaka now too. When her faith was wavering, somehow she had brought Sayaka back from the brink after the first time they'd had sex, and she believes, unreservedly, that it was a gift from God. It shouldn't be possible to clear a soul gem without absorbing a witch's grief, but with every orgasm her and Sayaka's soul gems are a little less cloudy. Maybe it's self delusion, but it being providence makes the most sense to her, no matter what Sayaka says. God works through humans every day, doesn't He?

She doesn't know anymore what she would do without Sayaka by her side, emotionally or physically.

She never thought she would sacrifice for another person again either, but she's even given things up for Sayaka's sake. Instead of the hotel rooms she cheated her way into she stays in this old church, where it's chilly at night and the roof leaks when it rains. She doesn't steal food, and rummages through the trash behind Lawson and McDonald's instead. Over just a few weeks she's given up her hedonism – besides fucking Sayaka every night – for a life of principled poverty. But her old lifestyle was principled in its own way too, so maybe a better word for this is 'Christian', or maybe she's just living by Sayaka's principles now instead of her own.

But the one thing Kyoko wants more than anything from Sayaka is the one thing that's the hardest for her to get. She wants to see her smile and laugh. She can screw Sayaka's brains out and make her scream her name as she comes, but she can't make her happy for more than a few moments, no matter how hard she tries.

It's impossible for her not to wonder why. She knows about Sayaka's crush on one of her classmates. Does it matter to Sayaka that it's her, or would anyone be fine as long as they could make her come? Does Sayaka want to do this with another girl, or is she just available? Or, if they lived in a different world, as ordinary people, could her and Sayaka really be happy together? In this world, of course, she knows that maybe she can only prolong their inevitable, awful fate, and she knows Sayaka must wonder that too.

She feels a little guilty too about doing this in a church, especially the one where her father used to preach. She's not sure why, but it feels a little wrong, even if she doesn't put all that much stock in what the bible had to say about sex or homosexuality. Even if what she's doing really is a sin, though, when her time comes she believes it must count for something that her reasons aren't entirely selfish, that she does it to save Sayaka from becoming a witch.

"Kyoko... Kyoko...!", Sayaka moans. She's squirming a little under her tongue and Kyoko grabs her hips. She's getting wet herself and rubs her legs together, knowing it won't satisfy her and will just make her pussy crave Sayaka's touch more. She holds on to Sayaka's hips as she comes, her breath ragged and panting, and looks up at her face again. As she basks in post-orgasmic contentedness a small smile comes across her face, and it makes Kyoko ache to feel her.

She pulls away, her lips and chin laced with her saliva and Sayaka's come. "Um...", she starts, awkwardly. "...Tell me you love me. Please, Sayaka."

"...I love you. I love you, Kyoko."

Kyoko stands up, grasping Sayaka's hand and pushing it between her legs, and feels her fingers on her pussy, slick with arousal, making wet noises as she grinds her hips against Sayaka's touch. She reaches behind Sayaka and sweeps her hand across the table, adding the garbage left over from their dinner to the rubble strewn all over the floor, and leans in for another kiss, pushing her down onto the table and taking her turn to forget.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to Sayaka and Kyoko's character song again lately and feeling kind of down and this fic just came to me last night and added to it and cleaned it up some tonight. I usually don't like present tense writing, although I've experimented with it before, but that was the way the story came to me so I went with it; I can't say for sure but I feel like it wouldn't work the same way if it were written in past tense.
> 
> I was kind of hesitant to post it because it's pretty bleak and I'm not sure it came out very well. I've gotten better at it over it time, but I still worry my writing is going to come out overwrought and, for lack of a better word, cringey when I try to tackle drama or angst. Plus, the characters in Madoka Magica are canonically... Really young. On the other hand, while I didn't _specifically_ write them aged-up I don't really think they act like they're middle schoolers here, and I always would have assumed they were a bit older than that anyway from watching the series.
> 
> If you read a lot of my work this won't be a surprise, I know, but I'm also not sure about how well I captured the characters, Kyoko in particular. It's been a very long time since I watched Madoka and the one time I tried to rewatch it I had to quit after the fourth episode, and on top of that I put kind of an emphasis on Kyoko's faith, and as someone who wasn't raised religious in any real way and has few friends who are I'm not sure how it came out. I'm also not sure just how devout she is in canon, actually.
> 
> Her dialogue, besides her prayer, definitely isn't old fashioned here, but apparently Ai Nonaka – her Japanese VA – described Kyoko's way of speaking as akin to the Shouwa era. I would have gone with something simple and off-the-cuff – this is perhaps more personal than I really should share and probably too personal for anyone to be interested in as well as being only tangentially relevant, but when I was younger for a little while my mother did get us to say grace, and it was a very simple prayer that I still remember – but given that and how Kyoko's was raised in a very religious household and certainly as a child cared deeply about her faith I went with a very proper Anglican prayer (which I found on Wikipedia). Given Kyoko's father was a priest but there are some Catholic trappings to her worship (kissing her soul gem like a rosary after saying a prayer) I've thought for a while now her family might have been Anglican. Looking at the Madoka wiki again apparently the clothes her father is seen wearing in her flashback are similar to Anglican clerical clothing too.
> 
> The title comes from a particular translation of Sayaka and Kyoko's aforementioned character song (And I'm Home), specifically [this fandub](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xl6EiCIZYhI) of it, which I love (and listened to a lot while I was writing this) and you should definitely check out.


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